This is probably the most personal blog I’ll ever post.

And I’m squirming my way through it.

But I’ll keep going.

Some months ago I had a boyfriend.

He was kind, but imperfect as we all are.

And it took some convincing for me to get into that relationship.

The day I agreed to get into it I bawled my eyes out.

I was overwhelmed by a deep sense of being loved. It overwhelmed me so much because it wasn’t any new love.

And it was the understanding of already that got me so choked up.

What happened that day I can’t forget.

Within a few minutes of saying ok to him, it hit me that I was already ok. Actually, more than ok.

I already had all the love and care and support I could ever need.

He was simply an addition.

And I’ve touched on this in other blogs: Enough and Tap the Wells. But this topic is so persistent to me.

Many times what we think we are searching for or what we think we need or thought we lost….we already have.

And that heart understanding had me in a ball bawling.

I just knew that a boyfriend was the thing I needed to finish filling my cup. But my cup was already full.

And it brought me to this new station in life.

If you live as if you don’t need what you want, you’ve won. Desperation flees. And sense and wisdom come.

Already.

I already had/have the love I thought I so desperately needed.

So I don’t need a boyfriend or husband.
I simply want one.

And somehow I believe that will help me better appreciate him.

I’ll be able to see him as he is. Human, fragile, imperfect but good.

He won’t have the pressure of being my everything.

He’ll have the joy of being my overflow.

Hope this helps!
Ambini